Wednesday, January 23, 2013

'50 Shades ' Casting

So this web columnist is going through the names rumored to be attached to the '50 Shades' movie project. She says Christian Bale is 'too creepy' to play Christian Grey.

read the crack-smokin' goodness here., let me get this straight. Christian Bale (married, father, private person, admittedly on a bit of a short fuse) is TOO CREEPY to play the...

Yeeeeahno. Especially since it's not as if he hasn't played a fucked-up, kinky billionaire with a thing for rubber and masks before, amirite?

Of course, I pray he doesn't, because then I'd have to actually go see this miserable piece of excrescence. I am a big fan of Christian Bale's work overall, and I would feel obligated to see this just to see how he says the world's lamest catch-line and manages not to look contemptuous doing it. (Aside: "Laters, baby" is supposed to be a cool, smooth exit line? Yeah, cool and smooth like the heart of a a fucking volcano, maybe.)

Christian Bale, think of your daughter. I mean, any kid might understand how her dad wound up having sex with Ewan MacGregor on a rooftop -- but this? Oh, for the love of all that is holy, please, please do not do this.

Second thoughts?

Although.... now that I'm thinking about it... imagine, if you will, a Christopher Nolan movie based on this. FIFTY SHADES OF THE DARK KNIGHT.

The sound you hear in the background is my husband beating me to death with our copies of the trilogy on BluRay.


  1. Now all you have to do is imagine him shouting "SWEAR TO ME!" and you're good to go.

    1. I feel the sudden urge for those massager seats I mentioned in my blog post earlier today.